The anxiousness of anxiety.

Ten years on.

Dad’s grief by my side at diagnosis and mine by his side today.

A weird week for us all in the world; US elections, more COVID confusions, further restrictions and looking back over an anniversary of ten years since diagnosis. This very week a decade ago. I was rushed into hospital, a start of a lasting relationship with needles going under my skin attached to bags with weird fluid inside. As I can clearly remember my father’s daily visits and remaining by my side every day that I was initially in hospital through diagnosis, I saw it fit to visit his grave and just spend a few moments there reflecting.

Regardless; Life goes on, MS still is present, the weather is inducing more vampire like lifestyles ( only really leave the house after sunset) due to the humidity and my intentions ten years ago may have been hindered but perhaps my blogs could be of benefit to a few people maybe!?

That feels weird?

A few years ago when I had first started taking the second line treatment of Tysabri, I had a consultant appointment with the neurologist. Initially I was excited as they were a professor in neurology and I am always keen to learn more about the world of our nerves and our brains, usually prepared with a long list of questions. Normally, a doctor would be a bit of a saviour to help find solutions to problems. However, in the infamous waiting room, my heart was beating faster, few drops of sweats being formed and a random fearful concern over the habituatious yearly visit to the consultant. I was anxious!

Stress and anxiety

Stress is a feeling in response to a difficult situation and anxiety is our reaction to it. It is what would naturally guide us to make the needed actions and decisions at those precise moments. Our hearts beat faster, more blood and oxygen reaching the muscles, the brain and in the body so we are able to be alert and react in the corresponding way, in even the mildest of scenarios like feeling you’ve lost your keys or major scenarios like running away from a lion that has fancied you for their dinner!

But we all get anxious though?

In the 21st century now, mental health is addressed a lot more but terminology like anxiety is approached by many and used as a blanket statement for a very minuscule feeling of concern. Anxiety is a lot more than that, when even the idea of going down to have breakfast in the morning or to greet a family friend who has visited can leave feeling similar to those that would naturally be felt when one may be in a car accident, a mugging on the street or even the unfortunate mishap of a person collapsing in front of them. That is the problem with anxiety, the feeling of being prepared for a huge life changing event, at the wrong moment.

Wait, what was all that jargon again?

A short recap and repeat of the issue being;

The body’s ‘fight-or-flight’ response is an automatic system that enables us to respond to perceived danger and threats. When we feel fearful or stressed, the body produces adrenaline and this in turn produces physical effects.

These might include a pounding heart, excessive sweating, feeling faint or dizzy, a dry mouth, breathing difficulties, or bowel and urinary problems.

In nature, this physical response can be very useful – it prepares you for immediate action when threatened by danger. But if this heightened state of alertness continues for lengthy periods of time it can affect your health. When we are feeling in this natural state of the need to react, we can become anxious.

So how does MS make it a problem?

How does this happen again you may ask? Retracking on the past posts about structure, damage and its effects in the brain and the nervous system, explicitly discussing the imbalance of the neurotransmitters and even use of medication can lead to these anxious breakouts. When one would think, ‘just chill out’, the anxious response at the wrong moments can make living through the most mundane things in life be an extremely challenging and battling task. Simply put, just the idea of leaving the house with someone with issues relating to this symptom, feeling like they are partaking in the infamous battle of Pearl Harbour that occured in the World War 2.

Getting us a bit anxious?

These are the small insights into the repurcussions that for whatever reason associated in life with MS or any similar conditions and issues that may lead to a life full of anxiety, can really explain why even though something may look ‘simple’ and ‘easy’ but may be literally a battle for a person who is unable to or has difficulty controling and dealing with their emotions. The feelings of it all, the reactions to it and the effect it can have on life. From a social, personal, professional and even academical perspective. How the damaging effects of anxiety can lead to a person being trapped in the horror of their own minds.

When the pleasures of life don’t seem so joyful.

Why I didn’t approach my new born newphew for almost an entire year, why I would go all the way round the block because of seeing a certain person on the street and even why I would feel it suitable to remain in solitude when everybody else seems elated together and why appreciating ones own company can be the best of relationships one can have.

Another preface?

Hopefully we shall delve into this symptom further, with a realisation of why sudden moments of panick or even brains going blank can happen in the usual experiences of life and how it can affect those who may struggle with issues related to anxiety and why regardless of age. Why living with a bodily system that is compromised and an explicit uncertainty about the immediate and long term future can sometimes really be why other people may just need a person by their side to get through their day ( like I was very hesitant to try fry an egg after the mishaps that occured with the first few attempts, a burnt egg with the fire alarm going off wasn’t very promising!).

As we come to an end to the year, the hats and the scarves are coming out, but take care guys and we shall hopefully meet again soon!

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